CRIMINALS/TITS AND CHAMPAGNE - The Joneses (Full Breach Kicks)
The two Joneses’ tracks (“Pill Box” and “Graveyard Rock”) wedged into 1982’s hardcore punk compilation “Someone Got Their Head Kicked In” always seemed as hopelessly out of place as Warren Beatty at a Promise Keepers convention; chattering, messy, gone-to-seed racket fortified by edge-blurring anesthesia - in tablet and liquid form - from a bunch of Hollywood street rodents entirely oblivious to the tuneless, nihilistic, pseudo-political, and overly-serious manifestos being churned out by the follicly-challenged right in their own backyard.
Of course it’s more likely they just didn’t care, perfectly content to play loud, fast music with loud, fast words about boobs, dope, and liquor rather than make any effort at some sort of grand social statement. Regardless, you could tap your foot to both songs (and most anything they ever wrote), but slam dancing to ‘em was out of the
question.Although they shared a zip code with a living dead army of hair farmers like Motley Crue, Quiet Riot, and Ratt, The Joneses seemed more consumed with sonics than haberdashery or cosmetics, drawing their inspiration from a wellspring of 70’s scarf-and-opiate dandies like Aerosmith, the New York Dolls, and the Stones, with a touch of oily rockabilly thrown in for texture and reference, everything spit up, revved up, hopped up, and torn up, then cast aside and forgotten. They got in, got out, and moved on with what appeared to be only a tenuous grasp of focus or direction.
And therein lies part of the beauty of this house of cards, as this two-fer of 80’s EP’s demonstrates. That and the guitars of Jeff Drake, Steve Houston, and Greg Kuehn screaming for relief – but mostly just screaming – strings scraped and scratched with picks, exploding and feeding back like fireworks, then bent, strangled, and wrestled into submission. At times, it sounds as if they’re making it all up as they go along but as anyone who’s ever tried to emulate what Johnny Thunders brought to the table in terms of sound or attitude will tell you, it’s not as easy as it looks.
What seals the deal for The Joneses is Drake’s knack for coming up with hooks that share an uneasy truce with the buzzing guitar ruckus, like “White and Pretty,” “Bad Attitude,” “I Wanna Buy You a Ring,” and “Ms. 714,” surely the most beautiful song ever about Quaaludes. Imagine The Heartbreakers with the occasional cameo from Jerry Lee Lewis, Ian McLagan, or Stu Stewart on barrelhouse piano and you’re nearly there.
Showoffs? Probably, but the covers push the proceedings completely over-the-top; a snotty, flash, defiant, irreverent “Crocodile Rock, a greasy “Your Cheatin’ Heart” an entire legion of cow punks would sacrifice a testicle to have arranged, and a fairly straight (at least for these guys) pass at “Route 66” that moves, shakes, and swings like Benito Mussolini and Clara Petacci at the Piazzale Loreto.
Inspired by a reissue campaign by flame keepers Full Breach Kicks, Drake and Kuehn have returned from years in the wilderness, bent on dragging the brand name through the gutter at least one more time with a few reunion gigs. Here’s hoping for a new studio album. - Clark Paull
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