Donald Trump

Robert Brokenmouth
Barfly
Adelaide

The Barman sent me a message asking some folks to tell us all about our 2020 top tens.

Apart from new recordings from the likes of Hugo Race, Velatine and Michael Plater, and the other few I've written about during the year, I've not been listening to a lot of music. Read a lot (including the three books I've reviewed here - the best three music books I've read this year), including a few Stephen King, Clark Ashton Smith, John Wyndham and a few books on plagues past and present. 

But really. 2020, huh? What a trip. So many dead. Wept more than a few times myself - but hey, my life's a doddle by comparison to the misery of so many.

But hey! First, we got to see an utterly evil President of the United States trainwreck, taint (and generally fist-fuck with studded gloves) any world-wide respect the USA ever had. I don't use the term 'evil' lightly.

Apart from being genuinely narcissistic and wilfully ignorant, Papa Ubu took great delight in splitting the country into a condition very close to civil war, while being utterly unmoved by the hundreds of thousands who got ill, and the thousands who have died, of which he is a goodly part to blame. If you wrote a modern take on Pere Ubu, Trump would be your starting point.

The podcasts are coming thick and fast now. Episode 32 of Drunk and Disorderly is live, with music from Donald Trump, The Damned, Flamin ‘ Groovies, Sator, The Hellacopters, The Godfathers, The Volcanics, Dion Lunadon, James McCann and The New Vindictives, Leadfinger, P76, X, The Hip Priests and The Dream Syndicate.

Bob Short's incredibly accurate Top Ten predictions for 2025 (and beyond).

1. When Trump reduces military aid to the Ukraine, Putin will essentially be gifted the disputed Eastern territories. The three wise monkeys of Russia, North Korea and the USA will have a delightful tea party whilst watching the executions of their political enemies. Lewis Carroll will arise from the grave, vindicated by the realisation his major works were true and accurate.

2. Trump will deport so many agricultural workers that American supermarket shelves will empty and the United States economy will slump. No-one will be able to afford the tariffs on overseas food. The poor will look suspiciously towards their pets.

3. Across the pond, as the economy, good manners, social services and the art of staying calm collapse, the UK will quietly sink into the Atlantic and no-one will notice. It may have happened already. (Has anyone looked?). If anyone does notice, a variety of suckholes and knuckle draggers (particularly those who resemble potatoes) will petition to make Gina Reinhardt Queen of Australia. She will unilaterally declare it so and poison all the drinking holes.

4. The big one will finally happen in Los Angeles but, as the Richter scales settle, there will be no aid from the Federal government. California and other Western states will secede from the Union. There will, however, be no Civil War because continued Republican government in the remaining states would essentially be guaranteed in their absence. The White House will tow the line that God has smote the sodomites.

5. The close approach of the Apophis asteroid on November 13th and its encounter with the Earth's gravity has lead to considerable structural reorganisation and an increase in its already chaotic rotation. The threat of collision in 2029 will become apparent and cause widespread panic.

6. Palestine is completely absorbed into Israel. The Israelis construct an alternative to the Suez canal and reap enormous economic benefits. Trump sets up some Beachside resorts but they all go broke because the anticipated cheap workforce have all been murdered.

7. Trump goes all in with Crypto to gamble his way out of the National debt. Almost simultaneously, everyone realises that Crypto is not real as they cannot keep it under their mattresses. The stock market crumbles. Global economic calamity ensues. People actually start eating their dogs and cats. Even those in the middle class.

8. With Elon Musk getting all the headlines, Trump deports him back to South Africa. He is torn apart by a rabid herd of wildebeest. The last thing he sees is the Apophis asteroid tumbling towards him.

9. Elton John self releases a re-recording of songs from the "Lion King" reworded to tell the Elon Musk story. It sells poorly. The world, after all, is in economic chaos and has been hit by a meteorite. Fortunately, at least the dust cloud created by the impact has dropped global temperatures and saved us all from climate change.

10. Joe Rogan dies in a fire caused by a malfunction of the battery in his cybertruck. Fortunately, Alex Jones is in the car with him. Over fourteen and a half million grief stricken incels and conspiracy theorists self immolate in the belief they are going with God. The Earth becomes a better place.